How to Improve Your Chances for Reconciliation with Your Spouse or Partner
All couples have problems in their relationship
Sometimes the problems are so bad, however, one partner decides to end the relationship by either breaking up or filing for divorce. In that case, what are your chances for reconciliation with your spouse or partner?
The answer depends on what circumstances led to the breakup. In some relationships, there is no hope. These are people who should have never been together in the first place. They are bad for each other for whatever reason and neither party was ever really happy, at least for very long. Or, there are serious issues that someone is simply not willing to address or set up a harmful situation to one partner. In these cases, reconciliation is unlikely and probably should not occur.
I happen to believe, however, that most relationships can be saved. There are as many reasons for problems in a relationship as there are people who have them. All of these issues cannot be specifically addressed in this article. Suffice to say that both people need to work on the problems and be willing to address the underlying issues. You need time to do that. Therefore, the most important factor to influence your chances of reconciliation is how you react when the split happens.
Your relationship is already in trouble - the worst thing you can do is react badly which will only drive a wedge further between you and your partner or spouse. Or, even worse, it may make your partner return out of guilt or pity. Getting him or her back at all costs is not the objective - your problems will simply continue which will only lead to another breakup.
Here are some tips about how to improve your chances for reconciliation with your spouse or partner after a breakup:
1. Do not react in anger or extreme emotion
No yelling, screaming, name-calling, threatening or harassing. No stalking by following them around or texting or calling multiple times! Of course you have a reason to be upset. In fact, you should express that emotion or your partner will think you do not care. However, you need to do that calmly and rationally or you will only scare them or drive them away.
2. Be willing to accept responsibility and fix the problem
Accept fault or blame in the situation. Many times, a breakup is just a cry for help or a cry for change. You need to think about the reason the breakup occurred and determine what fault you bring to the situation. The best chance for reconciliation is a willingness to resolve the situation which led to the problem in the first place. This is not always easy and sometimes requires a major overhaul in attitude, beliefs or actions. Counseling is a great way to work through these issues and fix your relationship.
3. Do not beg
Your partner knows you are not being sincere and that you are just saying anything to get them back. Begging lowers both their respect for you and your own self-respect. There is a fine line between persistence and begging. It will be difficult but you need to achieve the balance between letting your partner know you are willing to change to work on your relationship and begging.
4. Do not drag your family and friends into it.
You may need to talk to someone so it is tempting to discuss your problems with those close to you. However, there is a difference between talking about the situation and trying to get someone to take sides. Or, even worse is trying to get someone to intervene with your partner on your behalf. Don't forget - if you do reconcile, these people will continue to be in your life. You don't want to have an awkward situation in the future or alienate those around you. It won't work anyway - the problems are between the two of you and should be resolved between the two of you.
5. Make your partner remember why they fell in love with you in the first place
Go back to your roots. Think about what attracted you to him or her in the first place and why they were attracted to you. If your partner used to love the way you made them laugh, find a way to do that again. Flowers, gifts or acts of kindness and consideration can never hurt. Take care of your personal appearance - people in long-term relationships tend to let themselves go and don't care how they look. This is a turn-off to some spouses. After being in a relationship for a while, you should know where you strayed from when you first met. Try to get back to that starting point to rekindle the feelings you both once had.
In many cases, there is definitely a good chance for reconciliation with your spouse or partner. Both partners must be willing and you need to figure out what went wrong and try to fix it. Easier said than done, I know. However, how you react initially to the breakup will give you time and a chance to do that.
About the Author
I am a divorce attorney with 18+ years of experience. I feel that I am very qualified to give advice as to how to save relationships. I also can tell you how to deal with broken relationships from my many years of experience. I pretty much know all there is to know about what causes break-ups and the do’s and don’ts of relationships in general. Even though I deal in divorces, I feel that this should always be a last resort and I often wish that I could see people earlier so I can help them avoid a divorce.