Save Your Marriage - Tips from a Divorce Lawyer
As a divorce lawyer, I see a types of problems which lead to divorce
Divorce is a difficult and heartbreaking decision and is usually not reached until all other options have been exhausted. However, you can save your marriage even after a divorce is filed if you are willing to acknowledge and address the problems that lead to the divorce in the first place.
Here are some tips from an experienced divorce professional:
You might go through the motions - your mouth opens and you speak. But, communication is more than talking. Respectful and constructive communication is key. Some people shut down or don't make an effort to speak at all. Some spouses don't stop talking but don't really say anything.
One way to insure that you both are heard is to set aside a time each day. My husband and I have always made it a point to talk over dinner. We talk about our day and really listen! We talk about upcoming events or schedules. Or, if we are not together for dinner, we take a few moments before bed. It is crucial to have a time each day to connect and make sure that you have some meaningful conversation.
I am often amazed at how spouses speak to and treat each other. Everyone deserves basic courtesy and respect. No one wants to be screamed at, dismissed, talked down to or belittled. You wouldn't do this to a stranger - why should you do it to a person you love? Are they any less deserving of common courtesy? No, they deserve it even more! Listen to yourself and think before you speak - this will go a long way to fostering love and respect between you and your spouse.
A marriage is a partnership - neither spouse has any superior rights to the other. Neither spouse has the right to exclusively control or dictate to the other party. I am finding in my practice that control issues are fast becoming the number one cause of divorce. If you want to save your marriage, either give up some control or stand up for yourself as the case may be.
4. Learn how to fight
This is the most basic of skills that many spouses never master. Every couple has fights and disagreements. Frankly, I think that is important to clearing the air and making sure that both spouses are heard. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to fight. Focus your argument - talk only about the dispute at hand and don't bring up the past.
Many couples fail to stay focused and every argument becomes an argument about every argument you have ever had! This is exhausting and counter-productive. Hear the other party out without interrupting (see communication and respect). Consider the other person's feelings and opinions. You may not resolve the dispute but at least both of you can feel satisfied with the process.
5. Seek professional help
Dear Abby says it every time - get counseling. A lot of people don't believe in counseling or don't think it will help. Maybe it will or maybe it won't. But, if you want to save your marriage, you should at least try. Isn't your marriage worth a few hours or a couple of bucks?
You probably spend more time fighting with your spouse than you would in counseling. And, if you won't go, you are basically telling your spouse that he/she is not worth the effort. Trained and experienced marriage counselors can offer some valuable tips about tools that you can use to fix the problems in your relationship. It is worth a try!
Sometimes couples let their problems get to the point of no return. However, most often the person that you love and married is still in there somewhere! You may need to acknowledge that you are part of the problem or the cause of the problems in your relationship which sometimes is extremely difficult to do. But, if you love your spouse and want to save your marriage, it is definitely worth the effort.
About the Author:
I am a divorce attorney with 18+ years of experience. I feel that I am very qualified to give advice as to how to save relationships. I also can tell you how to deal with broken relationships from my many years of experience. I pretty much know all there is to know about what causes break-ups and the do’s and don’ts of relationships in general. Even though I deal in divorces, I feel that this should always be a last resort and I often wish that I could see people earlier so I can help them avoid a divorce.
For more please visit Teri's blog at: http://relationship-advice-101.com/