I am sitting here late at night watching addicted, trying to figure out where these parents might have gone wrong or where might they have prevented the issues their children face.
Yes, sometimes there is absolutely nothing they could have done, other times I see that it is a broken home, molestation, abuse, death, etc. I think about my 2 small children and try everything I can to not let them ever become a statistic. I want them healthy, happy, and productive in life. I think about my own life.
I am the product of a broken home. I have divorced and remarried parents. My father has been remarried about 4 times. Not sure, I lost count. I know he has been engaged more than he has been married. Some I have not liked so much, the one he is with now, I adore. If they quit smoking, I will adore her even more. Ha. She is really great and I finally have someone that I feel like I can call my step-mom. Funny I can say that at 31.
My home was not so great growing up. I lived with my mom and step-father and most would say that I was in an abusive home. I was definitely not happy but never thought I was abused. Just in trouble a lot. Looking back, yea, it was abusive. But just like I tell everyone I meet, I would not take a day of it back for anything because it made me the woman I am today.
The reason I write this article is because I want to tell others how to be a SURVIVOR rather than a victim. One thing I see in common when looking at these "addicts," and please understand that I know they have a problem, my father is a recovered addict, is that they blame the world for their situation rather than themselves. My father wasn't there, I was abused, I had it all and it fell apart, I was used to being on top of the world and it didn't work out, I couldn't meet everyone's expectations. Oh my goodness. I want to just smack them in the face; or at least their parents, who let them talk to them like they are the ones ruining their lives. They could have used the Supernanny.
I lost my brother when he was 23. He had an alcohol problem and late one night in a drunken stupor decided to put an electrical cord around his neck and take his own life. He did not go through with the act. Instead, he passed out from the alcohol while the cord was around his neck. Because he was so drunk, he did not wake when it cut off his airway and he died. He was my baby brother and the only sibling I had. I miss him more than I can make anyone understand. We went through that abusive household together; side by side. When we were little, I used to talk him into getting on my back in the morning and take him into the kitchen for breakfast so my mom would not get mad at him for not waking up, which would inevitably start a fight. I miss my little brother. He had the most beautiful blue eyes you ever saw. I would tell him all the time that he could do anything. He thought that he wasn't as smart as I was or could do the things that I could. I told him, "Dan. We lived in the same house and went through the same things. You are just as smart as I am. I know that you can do everything that I have done if you will just decide to do it." He just never believed in himself and my parents and grandparents would bail him out of every situation he was ever in. He knew better than to ask me for money because he would get the third degree and then wouldn't get a dime. Though he would call me any time he was proud of something just to hear me say "I am so proud of you. Go for it because I know you can do it." Oh how I miss him. My son reminds me of him so much and I want to be sure that he doesn't end up the same way.
My father left when I was in about in the 6th grade. I remember him driving away the day he left and went 3 states away from us. I couldn't understand him choosing this other woman over us. Danny...well it tore him apart and I don't think he ever really understood it. My father and I still have a bit of a weird relationship. I adore him and always will though it is a very distant relationship. I don't see him much. It's just the way it is. I deal and I will just try to help my children to deal with it as best I can.