"More than anything else, I believe it's our decisions, not the conditions or our lives, that determine our destiny." -Tony Robbins
What stops us from living in balance?
We can easily come up with the everyday generic answers like, "Too little time, not enough money", "It takes money to make money!" "I'll rest when I retire, right now I have too much to do.", and "I think I'm in balance, it's everyday life that pushes things out of balance." Most of the excuses we give ourselves encompass a lack of resource or feeling that you are at a disadvantage of some kind. We have so many reasons for our excuses and because we believe that we are so skilled at recognizing excuses in others we full heatedly buy our own load of bull. What excuses do you give to yourself that you would actually take to the bank? Stop feeding yourself so many excuses and let yourself be free to explore the truth.
The reality is... Yes there are people who have much greater opportunities or advantages; but, there are also people who have achieved balance and success who have done so with less. The difference between those who do and those who do not is the ability to be true to themselves, utilize there own resources and climb out of their own box. In the next chapter, we will look at living from your strengths. In order to fully accomplish REAL balance in your life you must take a good hard look at the reality of your situation, and your personality. Again you must be willing to be honest with yourself to figure this one out. If you are taking a good hard look you might find that the reason for your lack of balance is much greater than you thought.
Food for thought:
Feelings of Guilt
guilt about our own success, guilt about not achieving what we set out to, guilt about feeling overly self indulgent or appearing self centered. Guilt about setting boundaries, or possibly disappointing people. Guilt if things feel as if they are going too well, and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Guilt with a splash of shame, fear, or pride. Guilt about not putting others first, or second or third.
We spend so much time aspiring to be highly competent, unfortunately more often than not we experience the opposite. Feelings of incompetence leaves a nasty residue on so much of what we do. Low self- worth leads us to stop pursuing balance, dreams, and our vision. We see others accomplish what we believe are greater things and begin to doubt that we are qualified to achieve the same thing. Lack of self-esteem takes over and we unconsciously sabotage any and all attempts at balance and success.
Losing Touch With Who You Really Are: Mother, father, psychologist, therapist, lawyer, partner, spouse, cousin, friend, child, associate... whatever hat we happen to have on in that moment is the role we play. We are so good at multi-tasking and "doing it all" that it is very easy to loose touch with ourselves. Unfortunately this loss of touch means that there is no possibility of achieving true balance. The craziest thing of all is that while we want so much to be effective in our lives, we become completely ineffective when we are out of balance.
The more in balance that we live our lives; the better we are equipped to help others find balance. We are so much better equipped to help others create better lives if we have experienced true balance ourselves. Makes sense, huh? I want to remind you that because we are a pretty intelligent group, we easily grasp concepts intellectually but are often standing in cement when it comes to letting things sink in emotionally. Do yourself a favor and pull your feet out of the cement. Let yourself grasp this concept on an emotional level.
Can you believe that F-E-A-R is only a four letter word? Unfortunately it is a word that hold such power over us. Fear can reduce the most courageous into a mouse. So how do you conquer fear? Develop an intimate relationship with it.
What you resist, persists! Stare right in its eyes and understand its every breath. Acknowledge it, respect it, and learn to dance with it. (not in spite of it.) What ever you do, do not be a victim of fear's rapture. Develop a triumph over your apprehension. Turn your doubt into deep desire and your resistance into flexibility. Feeling As If "It's" Just Too Difficult: It is not too terribly difficult to come up with what you need, who you are, what your vision is, or even a plan of how you will accomplish all of this.
It is, however, very difficult to have the staying power to sustain the strong effort it takes to succeed. Most of us fall back on what we have done in the past, what we find easiest, or what will provide the quickest feelings of gratification with the least amount of effort. Learning to find discipline, concentration, and focus is probably the biggest hurdle you will have to climb. It takes the ability to continue to pursue even when we fall off the track.
Perseverance, dedication and commitment
Even when you make a mistake - is all that you need. If you can allow yourself to be human and make mistakes, than you will have the freedom to get back up when you fall. Goals MUST be swallowed in small easily digestible bites. If you bite off to much to chew, you will quickly become overwhelmed and lose your motivation. "That would just take so much time!" This is a very common excuse for why we do not pursue our goals or strive for true balance. The gratification feels as if it is too far and few between, to put so much energy into it.
You have to ask yourself though, hasn't most everything that you love and value taken time to achieve or build? The best way to combat this issue is to remember that it IS the journey, NOT the destination!!! Regularly remind yourself of the value and the reasons for staying true to your commitment to your goals and to finding balance in your life. This is not a requirement, this is a choice. You have already accomplished so much in your life; you know what determination means and have the courage to follow through. If you cannot do it yourself, feel free to find the right resources to get you there.
About the Author
Dr. Christy Wise is the CEO of San Diego Family Services and a licensed clinical psychologist. To find out more, please visit http://www.sdfamilyservices.com She is also a national speaker on relationship conflict resolution and sex therapy. Dr. Christy Wise earned her doctorate of Psychology from The California School of Professional Psychology in 1998. She graduated with honors and is a member of PSI CHI (The National Honor Society for Psychology). She has extensive experience working with issues surrounding relationships, children, teens, adolescents, divorce, conflict resolution, sexuality, anxiety, and depression. Dr. Wise is also a certified child custody evaluator and certified mediator.