What are good looking defences? 

Your best friend is always beautifully groomed, her makeup is flawless, her clothes are immaculate, not a hair is out of place and you've never seen her any differentlyEven when she's sick she always looks great and I don't mean she has a natural glow! And you admire her for this! Why?

What you need to ask yourself is "What's she hiding?" Is she afraid that if anyone sees the real her she will not be liked?

The media and society teach us that we need to put our best face forward and not show our darker side; this always needs to be hidden. What are the consequences of this? One is that we loose our true selves in the process; it's hidden under all our good-looking defences. These defences deflect people's attention from what we are trying to hide. We judge others and ourselves by the external appearance we put forward, not what is behind the mask - the real, authentic person.

What are good looking defences?

Always being beautifully groomed, work-a-holism, shop-a-holism, clean-a-holism, you get the idea. There are many and varied reasons for this, however the most common is low or no self-esteem.

What's the solution?

Firstly admitting we are more than what people see or what we choose to show to the world. We are more than just a pretty face, a great mother, or a good provider. That we aren't this all the time, sometimes we feel low, we have self doubts, we don't have all the answers, we're not perfect all the time. Just admitting this to ourselves is very powerful and can start the process of releasing us from our cage of perfection.

We all deserve and need to be seen for whom we are and not what we are or what we do. How can the pretty girl know if people are attracted to her for her looks or her personality? How can the wealthy businessman know he's loved for himself and not his money? When we see someone on the street and we hear the voice in our head judge than harshly about what they're wearing or their fashion sense we need to be aware this critic is much harsher on ourselves than the stranger.

If we can soften that critic by consciously changing that criticism to something you may admire about them (ie) the lovely earrings they're wearing, how well that tie goes with that shirt or that shocking pink really suits them we will find the critic will not be as loud with ourselves. When we put on our favourite pair of black pants, all of a sudden they look better than they used to. We are all like a garden, if we tend to us with love and care we will flourish, if we only put toxic poisons into the soil we will slowly die.

About the Author

I am a qualified, registered and insured counsellor practicing in the southern suburbs of Sydney. I have been seeing individuals, couples and families for over 5 years now for a variety of issues from relationship and communication problems to self esteem and grief difficulties. My website is www.TLCounselling.com.au if you wish to read more of my articles.