By Patricia Joyce, EWGA Managing Director, Strategic Initiatives

Since we were little girls we counted on our girlfriends to tell our secrets to, share problems with, and enjoy plentiful shared giggles.

As women, we know how much we rely on friends during times of stress, how important it is to get together to share experiences and to learn from each other’s perspectives on life and various situations.  Medical research now has proven how positive social connections can positively impact women’s health.

The Science of Healthy Connections

Friendship is so vital for the quality of life that a significant study by UCLA shows that women react to stress with a stream of brain chemicals that cause them to make and maintain friendships with other women.  When women are under stress the hormone oxytocin in released.  This hormone causes women to gravitate toward “tending or befriending” or tending the children/family or seeing friends.  Have you noticed that even after a long, stressful day at work that new moms can’t wait to get home to be with their baby?   This is more than a natural response, it’s a healthy one.

Do You Carry Impossible Burdens?

Do you need others to change in order for you to be happy?

"If only. . .

My spouse would spend more time with me.

My boss appreciated me more.

My child had more common sense."

Do you need to change the past in order to feel okay about life?

Do you have a relationship with an explosive person?

Which of these survival strategies works the best for you?

1. Try to intimidate them so they'll leave you alone.

2. Try to defend yourself.

3. Take the moral high ground and insist you are right and the explosive person is wrong.

What to do when others hurt you

Invalidation tends to trip some switch in our souls that lead us to reach into our bag of nastiness. Have you ever blamed, cursed, cried, shouted, or did something that you understood would create pain for the person who has invalidated you? Just as skunks are equipped to inflict their predators with spray, humans are equipped to inflict emotional predators with rage. We in society all came to life equipped with rage. Rage, however, begets rage between individuals, families, institutions, business colleagues and countries. In rage, we offer the silent treatment, hire lawyers, build bombs, or even blow up the world.

Equally nasty - is avoidance which causes us to erect barriers to others loving us and withhold our love for them. Avoidance occurs when we choose to freeze, run away, or build a wall to keep us isolated and safe. Avoidance can be a silent, slow suicide or homicide, chopping years off of longevity in both the avoided and avoider and sometimes requires creative thought to solve the issues.